


The Petals Were Overwhelming

by TheStoryBeginning



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Confession, Drunken Confessions, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Tags ready to change, drunk, hanahaki, spoilers for the whole game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-12-30 13:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18315836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStoryBeginning/pseuds/TheStoryBeginning
Summary: The doctor wasn’t right about Arthur’s diagnosis. It was a new disease. Something that would destroy Arthur slowly, suffocate out his lungs and scratch up his throat before choking him out.The only cure is John.Edit: (Updates Tuesday and Friday!)





	1. Cause

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I love you all and please try out this longer story. I’m ready for this project and hope y’all enjoy

“You got tuberculosis. I’m really sorry for you son, it’s a hell of a thing.” 

Arthur knew he looked scared but he didn’t care. His mind was reeling and it felt like his resolve was unfurling in his chest.

“Well what do you mean?” Arthur asked, voice low and husky. 

“You’re real sick...” Arthur tried to focus on what the doctor was saying, rushing water drowning out his thoughts. 

He was dying. And all for a few dollars.

He left the doctor with a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes. He didn’t even know why he seemed so upset. Arthur knew he was going to die at some point. He just wish it didn’t happen on the way to see Sadie when he had to get John.

John...

‘We can’t change what’s done. We can only move on.’

‘You have it in you. I can tell.’ Jimmy’s voice. He still had the very pen he was given a while ago. It meant a lot to him still with every line he drew and every letter he wrote. 

‘He didn’t have a choice. He was good and he did good.” Edith. Mother and now widow. Arthur killed her husband.

‘I understand if you don’t want to help me but... but... I think of you often.’ Mary. How he hated her some days for leaving but he wouldn’t be dying now if he did stay. Maybe he could regret that.

‘If we don’t stop soon, we’ll all be dying.’ They’re all going to be dying regardless.

He saw the animal when it was in front of himself. It’s eyes were so dark but they felt so full of spirit. So Arthur followed, chasing after it before it disappeared and everything seemed to be normal once again. 

Life and noise assaulted all of his senses at once, leaving him in a state of shock and in that moment, he felt better.

He was going to die but if he did so, it was on his terms. He was going to make the best of his life. Arthur would give back and help, hopefully atoning for some sort of sins. He had so many, he barely knew where to start. Barely.

The first step would have to be John. 

He hopped on his horse and spurred it on, urging it to get back to the saloon to get Sadie. Arthur wanted to see John again and he wouldn’t let him hang or rot in a prison.

He was always a bright light to Arthur, a reason to return to camp. A reason to keep fighting back in gun fights, to charge the enemy. This time, the enemy was invisible but Arthur was still charging. 

He coughed again as his horse sprinted, his hand covering his mouth but not before a petal emerged unseen. It whipped away in the wind, the soft petal floating to the ground slowly.


	2. Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur sees the petals.

Dutch made Arthur mad almost all the time. With every time he said ‘I have a plan’, Arthur’s anger would just grow. 

“Fuck this.” He muttered as he walked away from the conversation, coughing aggressively in his hand. 

“Hey you okay?” John asked, still in his prison clothes. 

“Don’t mind me, John. You go get washed up and changed. I’m fine.” Arthur muttered as something tickled the back of his throat. He needed to spit whatever it was out but to spit blood out in front of John was something he really couldn’t do. That would send off large red flags. He rushed away before John could stop him, headed towards the edge of camp. When he was behind his tent and out of view, he spit out what was supposed to be a clot of blood.

What he actually saw a singular flower petal, lone and stained with red. “What the fuck?” Arthur whispered as he leaned down to grab it. He held it up, instantly noting it as a prairie poppy.

He hadn’t used any recently for tonics or something so he wasn't sure how it got in his system. Was this causing all the problems? He doubted it, seeming too outrageous to even earn a single thought.

Arthur coughed again, this time catching the two more petals, both sharing the same amount of blood. He didn’t know what to do with them besides shove it into his pocket when he heard someone approach. 

“Hey there.” He mumbled to the newcomer, trying to ignore the flower petals that seemed to be burning now in his pocket.

When he got time to himself again, he would try to figure this out. Maybe it had something to do with his sickness but that couldn’t be possible. He’s never heard of someone coughing up flowers and the doctor said he had TB, not some flower disease. It didn’t seem real or logical.

As time went on, whenever he coughed, more petals would come up and every time, there was blood. At times when he did a lot of running and work, it would almost suffocate him until flumes came out. He still wasn’t sure why and he never understood what it was.

“Arthur.” A familiar voice rang out from behind Arthur at the camp as he finished writing a new entry in his journal. 

“Marston.” Arthur said, just the sight of him causing his chest to tighten. He shaved recently and his hair was even in a low pony tail which wasn’t common for his fellow cowboy. “What are you all cleaned up for?”

“Just wanted a change. And needed to look a bit better to talk to a family who wanted to borrow money.” That made Arthur’s stomach shift. He didn’t want to go get money from them when time came to collect that debt. Went so well last time and now he had some sort of flower disease.

“What did you need from me?” Arthur moved on, not wanting to hear more about the debt which Strauss would force him to get.

“Wondering if you wanted to go hunting. You’ve been acting like a recluse.” John was thinking of him?

“Mighty sweet of you to think of me. I guess if you wanted.” Arthur heaved himself off the ground, putting his journal back into his old satchel as John’s eyes tracked it. 

“What you writing about now?” John asked curiously. Arthur just went past him, keeping his head down. 

“Doesn’t matter.” He said, hearing a frustrated grunt behind him. 

“Is it wrong for me to be interested in what my friend is doing?”

“Your ‘friend’ doesn’t like talking about his journal. You know that.” Arthur retorted. He didn’t like sharing all of those thoughts and feelings with others. His drawings and notes were for himself and if people looked too deep into it, they were going to see past the rough exterior into a softer heart he didn’t want to expose.

“Was wondering if it would be different this time.” John whistled, his horse racing over. Arthur made his way to his own horse, taking off when John was ready.

“What are we even hunting?” Arthur asked, keeping his horse behind John’s. He would have to lead Arthur.

“Not sure. Just want to hang out with you. People’ve been noticing how distant you’ve been recently.” Seemed was the perfect time for Arthur to cough again in his fist. “And what’s up with that? You have the flu or something?”

“Not sure. Just a bit of a cough right now.” He tossed the next petal away, anxiety building in his chest once again. With not knowing what it was, was terrifying.

Arthur wouldn’t admit t being scared though. The gang shouldn’t have to see him liked that or worry. Getting away from Pinkertons were their main issues along with the damn O’Driscolls.

“Visit a doctor yet?”

“Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

“Well what did he say?” 

He hated lying to his family and especially John but there was so many things to worry about. Enemies tracking them, money troubles, dying from some wild animal. Anything really. Arthur didn’t want to add his death on top of it all.

“I should be fine soon. He gave me medicine.” He needed a bit more time before saying anything. 

“Good. Wouldn’t be the same without you. One of the best of us.” John said, voice almost too quiet to be heard but it resonated with Arthur.

“I’m far from one of the best.”

———

The hunt was successful and quiet, bringing back a few deer. He got a clap on the back from Pearson once they were both dropped off.

“I had a good time. We need to do this again.” John laughed as he laid down the large deer on the table. Was one of the largest ones he’s truly gotten so he was feeling pretty prideful.

“Anytime, Marston. As long as we won’t run into wolves, I know you’ll have my back.” Arthur joked. 

“You’re really never going to drop that are you?” 

“Of course not, wolf.” Arthur said as he reached a hand up to flick down John’s hat over his eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

John grunted again as he pushed his hat back up, the smile at the corner of his lips unmistakable. “Fine. Ass.” 

“One of the best apparently.” Arthur teased back but found himself frozen for a second. Of things got worse, they weren’t going to be able to do this again. “Let’s do this when the deer start running out.”

“If you’re back by then. Come back more often.” John said before turning back to his tent with Abigail and Jack.

Arthur coughed, turning away from Pearson who barely even seemed to notice. “Take care of those.” Arthur mumbled as he walked to fast to his tent, tossing the petals aside as soon as he closed the flap behind him. He was going to start closing this more if he was going to be coughing up flower petals and he didn’t want someone to call him cursed. 

Maybe he could find someone who knew what this was before it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to try and do a schedule of maybe a chapter on Monday and one Thursday? How’s that sound?


	3. Charles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles has some insight but Arthur has more questions now then before.

Gold.

Lots of golden light.

Dark eyes.

A flash of long hair.

Deer.

Gold again.

Petals.

Plenty of flowers.

Then.... the deer walked away.

———

Arthur woke up sharply, hand grasping out. “No....” Whatever he was going to say died on his lips as he stared at the canvas of his tent. 

He wanted to go back into his dream but by the light he could see through the threads, he knew it was time to get up. So he did, stepping on the petals as he tossed his legs over the edge of the bed. 

The deer came into his dreams often, being some sort of omen. Had to be. He just wanted to follow it but he always woke up moments before he could ever reach it. 

He felt so close, that when he hunted deers, he would hesitate at times. It shouldn’t be affecting him like this but he couldn’t deny the connection that they had when their eyes locked.

Arthur coughed, gathering the multitude of petals in his hands. Recently, the petals were coming out in bigger puffs and it was getting harder to hide. When John had tried to come into his tent sent him into a coughing fit and he brushed him away as quickly as he could.

“Arthur?” Charles voice asked from outside of the tent. “You willing to come with me into town? We need to do a supply run.”

A supply run with Charles sounded perfect and maybe.... maybe he could talk to Charles about this. He hadn’t yet been truthful but if he was going to talk to anyone first, it would definitely be him. “Yeah. Just give me a second.” He said back as he grabbed for his shoes. It was rare that he would actually need to get undressed as waking up under fire seemed too likely to be that comfortable.

He didn’t take long to get ready, disposing of the petals under the cover of some tablecloth, changing his outfit and heading out. “I’m ready when you are.” Arthur said as he adjusted his belt, Charles looking him over. 

“You okay, Arthur? You’re coughing again. And you don’t look well.” Arthur already saw his face in the tent when he looked in the mirror he had for shaving. Bags under his eyes weren’t new and it was getting harder to retain an average weight.

“...” He stared at Charles for a second before heading to the bare wagon. Charles looked after him with a raised eyebrow but didn’t say anything else as he got up on the seat with the help of Arthur. “Let’s go. I’ll talk about it.” 

His voice was quiet as Charles took the reins, leading them towards Saint Denis. “So what’s up, Arthur? I know you’re private but you’re not doing a great job at hiding this.”

“...I’m dying.” Arthur whispered when they got far enough out of the trees. Away from the camp and family.

“Seriously? What did the doctor say?” Charles asked, keeping any shifts in his voice to a minimum. 

“Says it’s TB but something’s weird. And I’m not any doctor so I don’t know really.” Arthur reached into his satchel, pulling out one of the petals.

Charles glanced over, looking at Arthur’s hand. “What about it?” Charles asked, eyebrow raised. 

“I was coughing up blood. Then I was coughing up flower petals. No actual flowers or anything though. Just the petals.” Arthur said as he examined it before letting it fly away in the wind. He had no reason to keep it when all he had to do was cough.

“Do you know anything about it?” 

“Maybe. It’s really rare and... Arthur I don’t even know how you got this.” Charles grip was tightened around the reins now, his dark skin becoming light around the knuckles. 

Arthur sat up at attention, back tense with a building stress. He was going to get answers. He needed them. “Tell me what it is. I need to know. Am I going to die?”

“Probably.” Charles whispered, slowing the horses down as Saint Denis came into sight in the distance. “You have Hanahaki.”

“What the fuck is Hanahaki?”

“It was something first discovered in Japan. It didn’t start there I don't think but a doctor documented it first there.” Charles muttered, eyebrows knitted together as he tried to think. He was gathering too many questions without getting answers. 

“An old friend of mine had it. She loved this other person and they didn’t love her back. Flowers grew in her stomach until they reached up her throat and choked her out.”

Arthur was in a stunned state, trying to work out how that was even possible. Had to be if he was doing the same thing. “What does her being in love have to do with anything?”

“The disease is caused by it.” That didn’t even begin to answer Arthur’s own questions.

“How is my emotions causing flowers to grow in me?”

“I’m not a doctor either. Probably your brain being stressed and your body reacting.” Charles said, waiting for Arthur to say something but when he didn’t, he carried on with his explanation. “You develop it when someone you love, doesn't love you back. The flowers grow until you’re coughing up buds. The vines and thorns scratched up my friend’s throat until she suffocated on a fully bloomed flower. I found her in her house with a rose on her lips.” 

Arthur was going to die because he loved someone but he didn’t even know who. “I don’t love anyone. It’s not possible.”

“Wouldn’t it be Mary?” Charles asked but he doubted that himself. Arthur has already confided in his feelings about her to him before.

“No. Definitely not. It might not even be Hanahaki so there’s no reason to dwell.” Arthur muttered just as they pulled onto the stone streets of Saint Denis. “...Is there a cure to it?” 

“I don’t know. I heard surgery could but you would lose the love towards the person. Or they could love you back and you just don’t know.” Charles wasn’t fully positive himself but asking around when his friend passed had given him some knowledge. 

“No one could love me like that again.”

“They could. Whoever it is. Just find out soon. If you don’t, it’s going to only get worse before it kills you.”

Neither Charles or Arthur brought it up as they stocked up on food and medicine. Arthur knew they had a job to do and Arthur’s sickness wasn’t going to be of any help right now. He didn’t like bringing up his issues anyways. He would have to figure it out himself but how could he even love someone that much without even knowing himself?

He wondered what option he was going to chose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating Mondays and Thursdays now!


	4. Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and John are sent on a mission to rob a home in St. Denis.

“Arthur, wake up. We’re headed out.” 

The routine felt the same. He would be sleeping then woken up and carried out on some task. He didn’t always mind helping but sometimes it got to a point where he just wanted to keep sleeping. It wasn’t one of those times though when he woke up to John’s voice.

“What do you want?” He mumbled, sounding muffled by his small pillow. 

“New mission from Dutch. Come on.” John didn’t even stay to say something rude or joke. Must actually be serious this time. 

Arthur got up begrudgingly, putting his hat and satchel on before going to the room next to Dutch’s. He was leaned over a table with Micah and John, discussing plans it seemed. “So nice of you to wake up sleeping beauty.” Micah said sarcastically. He didn’t even acknowledge him as he looked over the map.

“You’re going to rob a house.” Dutch said quickly, tapping at a spot near the back of St. Denis. 

“Seriously? One of those homes?” Arthur asked incredulously. Those houses were rich and full of money but it was bound to have servants and guards around. There had to be a lot of people in there. 

“Big score. And there has to be a lot in the attics or basements where they store stuff.” Dutch said, rubbing at his chin as if he was contemplating something. “Go in the back, camp in the swamp for a night if you have to.”

Neither of them wanted to sleep in the swamp but they wouldn’t voice that now to make Dutch mad. “Fine. When are we leaving?” Arthur asked, his body already wanting to protest.

“Now. Go pack.” Dutch said, pointing vaguely back at the house. “You’re going to need to take your time with this.”

Arthur and John exchanged a look. They both knew that this seemed a bit erratic and maybe not the best of solutions. “See you, Dutch.” John said sharply as he pushed back from the table, his hand grazing against Arthur’s back in a motion that meant ‘come on’.

He followed behind, nudging at John’s elbow. “This is too quick. And why is he sending us two?” Arthur asked as they stepped back into the house, annoyance clear on his face.

“Who knows? Probably trying to kill us again.” John said as he led Arthur up the stairs. “I’m going to pack and say goodbye to Abigail and Jack.” 

Arthur didn’t think they were going to die or anything but he still had a right to be slightly worried. “I’ll meet you by the horses then.” Arthur said, departing from the top of the stairs. 

He didn’t know why Dutch has been putting them on so many missions together but Arthur knew it had to have purpose. Just thinking of them spending a night in a tent together in such close quarters made him break into a coughing fit.

Arthur grabbed the petals, face curling into a snarl as he saw the clot of blood it was connected to. He tossed it towards the trash corner he had in the room. Disgusting but he would argue that they wouldn’t be here for much longer anyways. Would be someone else’s problem soon.

He got ready as fast as he could, meeting John at the horses. “Nice clothes.” Arthur said as he looked over his partner’s outfit. Both of them had dressed up in mainly black clothes besides the red high neckerchief John wore and then the white shirt Arthur had himself. 

“You’re slow.” He said to John, trying not to stare too much at John’s tan skin. His collar was open and revealing the cloth around his neck better. It looked good. Too good.

“Maybe you’re too fast.”

“You can never be too fast in this line of work.”

Arthur didn’t even reply as he took off on his horse, letting John follow behind on his dark horse. “You know I’m right!” John yelled after him. Arthur still didn’t acknowledge anything was said on their way to St. Denis. 

It wasn’t terribly far from their camp but they definitely had to camp. Most of the ride was quiet, coughs covered and far in between. “We should set up here. Rest until night.” John said as he felt the hot sun over them. He had rolled up his sleeves and his hat pulled lower over his eyes to try and fight the heat but it wasn’t doing much.

“Why not keep going until the swamp?”

“I’ll probably die from heatstroke and I’m not walking around naked in a swamp.” 

“I wouldn’t judge you.” Arthur said back but he turned his horse towards the trees. John followed behind him, bringing his horse to a stop when they got close to a lake. 

“Seems like a good spot. I should take a bath or something, I’m so sweaty.” Neither of them were too adverse to being gross or not bathing for a while but they still had their limits. 

“Then do that. I’ll just be left with setting up camp.” Arthur said under his breath, hitching his horse to a tree. 

“I’ll owe you later.” John said as he tossed his hat to the ground while Arthur unpacked the camp gear from his horse. 

“Fine. I’ll hold you to that.” Arthur said, glancing at John who was next tossing his jacket and vest into a pile. ‘Don’t stare, dumbass.’ He has to tell himself but he wasn’t even sure why.

Arthur looked away before his red cheeks could give him away. Was John seriously going to skinny dip here? “Be quick. Or else a fish will but your dick off.” Arthur said, helping when a pair of jeans were tossed aggressively at him. “Hey watch it!”

His natural instinct made him turn, catching a glance of John’s ass before he turned again. “You’re an asshole!” He called to him but John just laughed.

“Just set up camp.” He said as he got in the water, his hips disappearing under the water. 

He did his best to ignore John, stealing small glances which were followed by coughs. The only other interaction they had was Arthur grabbing John’s shirt from him as he had brought it in the water to wash it out and needed Arthur to put it up to dry. That led into a long coughing fit.

He patted at his chest as he stood up from the now lit fire, stretching his back out. “Marston, everything is ready. Get out of the water.”

“You’re good at this.” A very naked John said behind him, Arthur trying not to think too intently about what he had to look like.

He sat down, followed closely by a freshly dressed up John. His shirt had thankfully been replaced by another one he had with him. It was in case of something like this happening. 

“I know. If you did it, you would have fucked it up.” Arthur said as he poked at the fire with a wooden stick. The logs shifted, a ember flying into the air but it didn’t stick around for very long. The fire wasn’t very big anyways.

“I wouldn’t have. But since I’m such a negative person around here, I’ll nap.” John said as he leaned his head on Arthur’s shoulder. He didn’t even care about his hair being wet and soaking through his vest. 

“Then sleep.” John was surprised when Arthur put his arm over the smaller man’s shoulders.

“Remember you said it was okay...” John said before letting his eyes slide shut. He would attempt to nap before their mission tonight.

“Just shut up.” Arthur said but his voice was quiet. He liked this too much even though he should be calling John annoying and pushing him away. His weight was so comfortable and the warmth from his body felt better then the sun beating down on the two. 

In that moment, Arthur realized he wanted to stay here. Forever. John at his side. 

And that’s when the petals felt like they were burning in his chest as Arthur realized the reason for his pain. 

His cure had to be John.


	5. Capture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and John do their small robbery.

“Be quiet.” Arthur hissed at John as he attempted to close the door quietly but the squeaking of the hinges wanted to fight against them. Everything seemed louder when you’re trying to be quiet.

“I’m trying.” John whispered as it clicked open. They both stayed quiet for a moment, trying to listen for others in the house but they didn’t hear anything. “Okay lets go.” 

This was hard as they didn’t even have blueprints for the building so a lot of this was going to be testing and running. Made them both all the more mad at Dutch, sending them in without any sort of setup.

“John, you try those doors, I’ll be over here.” Arthur whispered as he walked to the closest white door. This one, led to a closet. Then the one after was to another room and so on. After peeking into the kitchen, he heard a distinct thunk from the other room.

Arthur was quick to react, surprised to see John standing over an unconscious butler. “He was walking around. I didn’t kill him or anything.” 

He glanced between the two but nodded regardless. “Good. I don’t want a bigger bounty on my head for this.” Arthur looked past John at the opened door. “You’re good for something.”

John smiled, tilting his hat jokingly. “Anytime, ma’am.” Arthur clicked his tongue, pulling up his bandana to cover up his reddening blush. 

“Put your bandana on, we should have done that earlier.” Arthur mumbled, pushing past John. “And if anyone here is a ma’am, it’s you. You have the long hair. And you’re smaller then me.”

John pulled it up, walking down the basement stairs after Arthur while ignoring his comeback. “Find any lamps down there yet?” John asked, putting a hand on the older man’s shoulder. His skin felt like it was burning under the pressure, a tickle brushing the back of his throat. 

Ever since yesterday, any time John spoke to him, he felt like he was going to have a coughing fit. More confused glances and a couple of questions but no petals seen. He was going to be safe for now.

“You can find them too. I can’t see shit.” Arthur whispered back, taking a moment to balance himself when he hit the basement floor. “Wait I think I see one.” They had left the upstairs door open for the light so it only illuminated the tight staircase and the grey concrete. 

The basement didn’t look finished compared to the rest of the lavish house even but most of it was unseeable in the dark. It was a bit odd but Arthur wasn’t deterred. Until he felt a large weight falling into him from behind. He yelled on instinct, the world going black as he fell down and hit his head on the concrete. 

———

Arthur awoke with a fast punch to the gut. His body swung, a cough erupting from his body with the hit to his stomach.

“Thinking you can just steal from me and get away with it? Huh?!” The man yelled, still looking blurry to Arthur. Who were they caught by?

“Stop hitting him! We’ll just leave!” A familiar voice yelled, a clang of metal following. 

“You tried to steal from me!” The other man yelled, landing another punch into Arthur. His legs screamed in protest as he was jostled, this reminding him of a certain time with the O’Driscolls. 

“Fuck you. Your punches ain’t shit.” Arthur rasped out, his eyesight finally clearing up to take in the sight of a man in black pants and a light blue untucked shirt. He probably just woke up to them talking too damn much. John and his mouth. As if John was the only one to blame.

“I’m going to call for the police as soon as I get done here with you both.” Arthut wasn’t even able to get another word in as he suffered multiple hits to the body, swinging back and forth which only made him more nauseous.

Blows kept coming and John kept pleading for it to stop. No end seemed close though as he coughed and to his horror, out popped a few petals.

The man stopped his assault, eyes going wide as he saw the gold petals fall to the ground. “What the fuck...?” He whispered as he saw the red blood stains on the floor and Arthur’s lips.

“Cursed. You’re going to be cursed next.” Arthur mumbled, eyes closing tightly while hoping the man would buy the bluff. He couldn’t look at John. He couldn’t. He saw the petals and he was powerless to stop it. 

He stared, glancing between the two before darting up the stairs, door slamming shut. The world had seemed to freeze for a moment at the realization things were going to be mighty different now if they both even got out. “Arthur, we need to move now.” John said quickly, jumping up as soon as he could.

“How are you going to get out?” Arthur asked, another cough just waiting to break free.

“I have a pin.” Arthur was able to look at John now with clear but watery eyes, seeing that he was handcuffed to a pipe but with his other hand he was grabbing a pin from his hair. He started to pick at the handcuff lock, urgency screaming from his actions. 

“Fucking princess.” Arthur mumbled, his eyes shutting as the pain became almost overwhelming. His body hurt and John was definitely going to be asking about those petals as soon as they got to a safe place. “Of course you got a hair pin.”

“I have long hair. I need it.” Arthur swirled around, unable to see John anymore but the click of his hands cuffs was enough to know he was free.

Arthur felt a hand touch his ankles, picking at the cuffs around them. He was shocked that he hadn’t dislocated his legs from this. They both tried to stay quiet but it was hard when Arthur fell to the ground with a loud ‘oof.’ 

“Come on, no time to wait.” John grabbed for Arthur’s hand, other one grabbing for Arthur’s hat nearby. John plopped it on his head, pulling him along. 

“I was just beat the shit out of. Give me some space.” Arthur growled, smacking at John’s leg. He didn’t seem too hurt. Not at all even besides a mark on his cheek. “Did he hurt you?”

John stared at him for a moment incredulously, a bit shocked to be asked if he was okay. He wasn’t the one beat. “I’m fine. He just hit me earlier and I fell down the stairs. On you.” John said as he reached his hand out to touch Arthur’s face when he had stood up. “You need to get cleaned up as soon as you can. You’re all bloody,”

His hand caressed Arthur’s face and all he wanted to do was lean into it but he knew they had other things to do. “One thing at a time.” He grabbed for John’s hand to remove it from his face, headed towards the stairs. He didn’t want to even try and look for anything valuable. Another fucked up plan.

John and Arthur made their way up the stairs carefully, heading towards the back door when it all seemed clear. The man must have ran from thinking that Arthur was truly cursed or something of the like but neither were willing to stay and go searching. They ran out the back door they came in, both hearts beating. “Come on, go go!” Arthur whisper yelled as he pushed at John’s back.

His breath was becoming haggard as he tried to race to the wall as fast as John, hopping over. Thank god it was lower then the rest of this shitty rich neighborhood. At least their horses were still nearby. 

They climbed on, kicking their spurs in to the horses’ thighs so they went dashing off into the night. “Gonna explain those flowers, Arthur?!” John yelled over the wind as they sprinted into the swamp behind.

Arthur had been too happy to be out of the neighborhood that he forgot very momentarily about the flowers. “It’s none of your business.” He yelled back, eyes clenching shut as his body was jolted with every powerful stride from the horse.

“It is that you coughed up FUCKING FLOWERS!” John screamed, finally letting out his stress from the whole situation. “Your stomach is probably fucked, you’re coughing up flowers and blood and now we have no money and an angry rich guy who knows our faces!”

Arthur just stared ahead, trying to ignore John the best he could. It was getting easier as he started to cough loudly, black taking over his vision as he fell unconscious. 

Dark.

Very dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Tell me how y’all feel in the comments pls


	6. Petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John helps nurse Arthur.

He felt so heavy when he woke up finally, his chest still constricted. Usually when he had bad bouts, he would wake up fine but it was sticking with him this time. Where even was Arthur? 

He sat up slowly, his body screaming in protest. “Arthur, hey buddy.” John said from next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’re near Rhodes.” 

Arthur appreciated John catching him up right away. He was going to ask John anyways where they were and why he felt like he was dying. “What happened?” Arthur mumbled as he ran his hand over his face. 

“You started to throw up flowers like a cursed fuck and then passed out while you were coughing.” John said and instantly his body started to react again. Arthur coughed, smacking his chest with his fist. 

John could only watch on as Arthur went into another bout of a few more clusters of flowers. Wasn’t as violent as before but it had to be from the help of the miracle tonic John shoved down Arthur’s throat. Couldn’t heal diseases but any physical things like bruises or scrapes couldn’t stand a chance to the medicine. Even though his lungs were constricting, his ribs should be fine.

“And here we go again.” John muttered as he offered a canteen to Arthur who then drank from it quite greedily. 

“It’s not a big problem.” Arthur said as he pulled his hand back to see the red coating his glove. 

“There’s literally blood there. And you can barely even jump over a wall back there and now you’re dying again. What’s wrong?” John asked more urgently. He looked so scared and worried and it was all for Arthur. He didn’t know why John even cared so much. All he truly did was tease him over and over about being dumb and being attacked by wolves.

“I can’t tell you.” Arthur said softly, his head shaking back and forth urgently. John was married and he had a kid. Arthur had been his friend forever and to just come in and start proclaiming love he didn’t even know he had until recently but just HAD to have or how else could he be sick?

“You have to tell me, Arthur. I can’t just watch you suffer and this is probably going to kill you if you keep coughing like this. I can see it’s been getting worse.” John said as he reached a hand up to cup Arthur’s face. The move was just to look over Arthur’s mouth but the touch was enough to make his throat constrict.

He turned over, pulling back harshly from him so he could try and catch a breath. As soon as John let go, he could take in small gasps. “Arthur, shit.” John said as he got up to run over and grab something from his bag near the fire.

It was enough time and space for Arthur to calm down slowly, closing his eyes to try and steel himself. That’s when it came out. 

The feeling was sudden as something started to climb out his throat, mouth opening instinctively to let it out. A full bud of the flower who’s petals he’s been coughing up for weeks emerged and plopped on the dirt.

The flower evolving definitely wasn’t a good sign. And with the pool of blood dripping out his mouth, he felt faint. “Fuck.” John whispered again behind him as he picked it up. 

“Don’t touch it, that’s disgusting.” They both had touched blood before but this felt so personal for John to touch the flowers coming out of Arthur.

“I’m worried about you. Don’t push me away.” John argued. He didn’t want to fight Arthur over this as he was already weak and the situation was stressful. “At least this stopped us from being arrested.”

Arthur did nod at that as he sat back. With the bud gone, he was actually feeling better. Not great, but better. “Thought I would curse him next.”

“Is this... a curse?” John asked genuinely. But he didn’t know much more about this then Arthur did.

“No. Charles told me it was a disease.”

“So Charles knows? But you wouldn’t tell me?” John asked, actually upset at that. “I thought you trusted me.”

“I do, John. It’s just been hard and really fucking confusing. People don’t generally just cough up flowers all the time. I’m figuring it out the same as you.”

“You obviously know more then I do.”

“Not a lot.”

John didn’t reply, just passing over another miracle tonic. “You can trust me, Arthur. Don’t push me away.” John muttered as he stood up. “I’m going to scout the area for lawmen. We weren’t followed but I want to look around so we’re safe. Think you can hold your ground if needed?”

Even if Arthur was choking on his own tongue, if they were being shot at, Arthur would be able to keep shooting. He needed to keep John alive. 

“I’ll be fine. Just be safe.” Arthur mumbled as he closed his eyes. “I can trust you with my life.” 

John paused at that. “I’m... glad you think that. I feel the same way.” And then John hopped on his horse and was gone. Arthur didn’t even have to open his eyes to know John had left their small camp.

He let his hand fall to the side, resting on top of the forgotten pile of petals. He didn’t even notice the bud was gone or care that much. John knew and Arthur could only wish that he didn’t even have this fucking sickness. It could get John hurt if he got too distracted.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all and the continued support! It really means a lot


	7. Budding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Charles and John talk. John has feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for it being later then usual! Art is done by my beautiful gf @spiccy_latte on Instagram love you so much sjsjdjc

 

“...I’m glad you boys are safe.” Dutch said softly but he didn’t sound super convincing. After the two had returned once Arthur was feeling better, Dutch had immediately gone cold. They didn’t bring back any money and he didn’t even ask how they got out. He only cared if they had the money.

“I’ll see you, Dutch.” Arthur mumbled as he left Arthur’s room, heart feeling tight. Dutch was going to make him go crazy if he kept acting so nonchalant and uncaring. He could tell how scared he was just by his different personality then usual.

“What did he say?” John asked as soon as Arthur exited the tent.

“Finally going to speak to me again?” Arthur argued, looking back to glare at his old friend.

“Yeah. I was just wondering about what Dutch thought of it all.” John said, eyebrows knitting together. He looked annoyed but Arthur didn’t seem to care.

“He’s upset but he is gonna have to get over it. Our lives are more important then a few extra dollars.” Arthur said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a carton of cigarettes. He popped one out and lit it up, taking a long drag. “Is that all you needed?”

John seemed to still be following him even though Arthur told him all he wanted to supposedly. “I just wanted to make sure you’re doing fine.”

The two of them had come back after Arthur healed up a bit more but John hadn’t said a word to him for the past 3 days besides ‘excuse me?’ or ‘can I get that?’ Silence would just follow and it was making Arthur feel irked.

“I’m doing fine. The cough isn’t getting worse.” Arthur lied like it was a second nature as he rubbed at his jaw just at the mention of his disease. A few more questions had come up about it but once again, he would ignore it or brush it off even though it made his chest ache.

The cough had truly been worsening even though if he wanted to reject that. He had been continuously coughing up buds of flowers and they didn’t seem to be slowing down but they didn’t seem to be blooming either. Arthur had to guess that was the next stage if they were going to go through the full process.

“I doubt that, Arthur. I know when you’re lying.” John crossed his arms over his chest as they got to the older man’s tent.

“Stop gettin’ in my personal business.”

“Stop pushing me back. Just because someone is caring about you doesn’t mean you should push them back!” John said loudly and before he knew it, he was on the ground with Arthur’s arm on his neck. There was some incoherent shouting and people rushing towards them but no one dared to interfere when they saw that glint in Arthur’s eyes. He looked... dangerous but so up close, John could see the fear he tried to hide.

“You didn’t say anything to me for three days and now you expect me to just spill my personal business?” His voice was quieting down, trying so no one could hear him. “I’m... dying, John. And I’m going to die alone but I’m going to get what I can done.”

Arthur got up, kicking at John’s leg gently before heading into his tent as he left behind a shocked John. “You okay, Marston?” Charles asked as he came up behind John, holding a hand out to help him up.

John took it willingly, keeping his eyes down from meting any of the others. “Thanks. But I’m fine.” John had his own anger towards Charles but he knew he couldn’t just fully act out about it. He wasn’t the one hiding his business from his best friend.

“You don’t seem fine, Come on.” Charles said as he put his arm over John’s shoulder to guide him away from Miss Grimshaw’s questioning eyes.

“I need to talk to you.” John muttered as he was led near the fire, sitting down on a fallen log and Charles found his own spot nearby.

“I know it’s going to be about Arthur.” Charles replied as he picked up the stick next to him to poke at the burning logs. “And it’s his business.” People could sense the tenseness from the two of them so it was a good thing they knew their place.

“What is wrong with him? He told me you knew and also to not worry about it but he’s... he’s coughing up blood and flowers for fucks sake.” John whispered, focusing on the flames. He had too many thoughts and ideas going through his mind and he could barely keep it all together.

“It’s not my business.” Charles said softly, body going tense. “But I can’t watch him die. You have to keep pushing. He needs to be the one to tell you what’s going on.”

John hated that he couldn’t blame Charles for not being straightforward. He was right, it wasn’t John’s business but he was going to make it into Arthur’s heart or so god help him.

“...I’m just scared for him. I saw his eyes. He looked so scared himself.” His gaze lingered on Arthur’s closed tent. It used to always be kept open but ever since he started coughing, he’s been keeping it closed. Keeping himself isolated from the rest of the gang.

John had been hunting a while back and he shot an elk in the leg. It’s whining hurt his heart and soul but he needed to meat for the gang to eat. To survive. But the way its eyes looked was so terrifying. It haunted him. The elk had been so scared.

He had to kill it to spare it from its pain. It reminded him of Arthur right now. So scared of dying and able to sense his end. John couldn’t watch that happen to his best friend. He wouldn’t know what to do without him there.

Just the thought of Arthur dying made his eyes sting. Death wasn’t new in this line of work but it wasn’t any less scary to know that he wouldn’t see Arthur another day.

No more drunken outings, arms cast over his shoulder, soft touches to his back, quiet singing or deep laughs. He would never hear another whispered confession from the mysterious Arthur Morgan who cared more about others then his own damn self and that’s what’s going to get him killed.

“I need a drink.” He stood up suddenly, leaving Charles a bit shocked by the fire. John was going to fix this whether Arthur wanted him to or not. He wasn’t going to stand idly by as Arthur killed himself.


	8. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur gets drunk to confide partially in John again.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur apologized from behind John. Charles had left John alone when he came back to the fire with a beer so he was all alone now. Even everyone in camp seemed to be asleep. Usually someone was up but the only other person up would be Javier who was running rounds around camp. Meant that him and Arthur could finally talk privately.

“You should be. You hurt my neck.” John said as he rubbed his neck. He didn't look over when Arthur sat down next to him with his own bottle in hand. 

“I do apologize, Marston.” So close, John could smell the alcohol coming off of him and make out the slight slur to his words.

“You’re going to apologize while you’re drunk? Real classy.” Now this apology was feeling less gracious. To know he had to be drunk to get through it didn’t give John the best feeling.

“There’s just a lot going on.” Arthur whined, leaning his head on to John’s folder. He didn’t often get so touchy or speak like that so this made an alarm go off, not that John could pinpoint why. John froze up under him, trying not to move his head in fear that Arthur would get off him. He wanted him to stay for some reason. He came over only once he was drunk and he shouldn’t be rewarding that. “I don’t mean to worry you.” 

John couldn’t help but feel guilty himself. He didn’t talk to Arthur for three days so that was on him. “You’re sick. And you’re not letting me help.” John said as he absentmindedly put his arm over his friend’s shoulder to support him. He didn’t need Arthur falling over and hitting his head so he got a head injury.

“There’s not much you can do.” He said, voice quiet. He grabbed for John’s bottle, not getting much of a reaction so Arthur started to take a swig.

“I want to be there to support you. You won’t even tell me what it is.” John growled out. “And stop drinking when we’re trying to have a serious conversation.” 

Arthur mumbled something under his breath but John couldn’t pick up on it. “What was that?”

“I’m sick... and I’m not going to get any better any time soon.” Arthur whispered. “You’re my best friend and I don’t want to hurt you. But I... I feel so selfish.“ Arthur said as he swigged his drink again. 

“You need to stop drinking then. Talk like a normal person.” John said. He was able to tell that Arthur was in a very compromised state and John would hate himself if he didn’t stop him from saying something he would regret later. The curiosity in him though was bursting forward and since he was already a bit tipsy himself, he couldn’t fight his own mind.

Usually when Arthur got drunk, he was laughing and singing but this version seemed so subdued. Made John think about what he had to have on his mind to get him so down. “Drinking is the only thing that’s making me feel alive right now.” Arthur said softly, finishing off the drink before he tossed the bottle to the side. 

“You can’t go through life like that.”

“Who says I can’t?” Arthur sat up but didn’t turn away from John. He felt under scrutiny from those pretty blue eyes he could find himself lost in but here, he looked soft and vulnerable. Strange for the gruffly and rough man. 

“I did. Now explain why you came over. There has to be a reason.” John said as Arthur leaned in slowly. They were so close that he could feel the heat coming off of Arthur but he was sure it was just himself too about to combust. Usually Arthur kept his personal space to himself.

“I wanted...” Arthur whispered, trailing off on his words. He bit his lip and his eyes shifted around John’s face. “Can you keep a secret?”

That was sudden. “ I guess.” John said, mind realizing that these next few moments were going to be highly crucial. “What’s on your mind?” 

Arthur was quiet, face shifting to look quizzical as if he didn’t even know what he was going to say himself. “...I think I’m in love.”

John’s stomach dropped and his lungs tensed. “Why do you say that?” His voice was higher pitched then usual but he couldn’t explain why. The only person John has seen Arthur with in a romantic sense was Mary but even then, Arthur hated her for leaving him for another man. It took him a while to get over but he wasn’t stuck on her. He said he was over it.

“You’re... in love? With who?” John could only think of Charles. They were close and they shared secrets and time together but nothing John has seen as romantic. He could have just misread situations though. 

“That’s a secret. I don’t even know.” Arthur laughed quietly. He was flirting through emotions faster then Abigail did and John wasn’t liking it. He seemed too far gone. 

Everyone in the gang drank and had their fun but John didn’t approve of when Arthur was doing it to avoid his problems. “Well when you figure it out, let me know. I can help you with it.” Why did it make his chest hurt? Not because he had feelings for Arthur or anything. He was positive he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

He wanted to help Arthur but what if he couldn’t? Arthur was in love with someone and he had a good chance of dying. If there was a cure, he was sure Arthur would have done it without even mentioning he was sick to anyone. John cursed the man for trying to be so independent.

“Arthur. Whatever you decide to do or who you’re going to be with, there’s a good chance it’s going to end in pain with them. So make sure to embrace those moments but know if you’re gone,” John choked up, feeling tears well behind his eyes at just thinking of Arthur dying, “I’m going to miss you. And I won’t ever be able to forget you. You’ve changed my life and saved me over and over and I wish, god I wish, I could do the same for you right now. I would give everything to save you if I could.”

The fire crackled, startling John and making him turn to face it. Made him realize how quiet the camp was and he didn’t want anyone to hear his confession. “I’ll be here by your side until the very end. You can’t get rid of me too easily.” John said just as a heavy weight fell into his side. He sighed when he saw Arthur fast asleep against him, partially glad that Arthur didn’t hear him sounding so open. The other part of him was disappointed, mind screaming for Arthur to just listen to him and return his feelings.

But life wasn’t like that. Life was a clueless drunk Arthur on his shoulder with no grasp or idea of how much his life mattered.


	9. Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and John share a bedroll in a storm.

“It’s fucking freezing.” John muttered as he shivered in his coat. It was a gift from Arthur for this journey. Made out of ram and wolf fur that Arthur said he didn’t need but when John tried to pressure him more into what the actual reason was for it, Arthur brushed him off. It was partially infuriating but the gift from the man made his heart warm up in his chest. 

“Of course it is. A storm is coming.” Arthur said as he redirected the horse. They had come all the way up here to get the widely known legendary white Arabian but as soon as they got her, a storm started to come over them. “I saw a cabin around here. We can lay low there for a while.”

“I think I see it.” John said, voice shaking as he tried to hurry his horse a bit more. It could be seen, very vaguely through the white haze. Arthur didn’t even reply as he got his horse to run faster but to sprint would be impossible with the snow so deep. Once they both actually got to the house, Arthur was off the horse in a moment. 

“Tie them up behind the house. The wind won’t get them there. I’ll check the house for squatters.” Arthur mumbled as he went inside, leaving John with the horses. He just wished this storm wouldn’t last too long. He had to get back to Jack. 

“Come on girls.” John said as he led them along gently towards the back. Both didn’t seem too affected by the storm but John was going to treat them as best he could when they got new food for them. Once he made sure they were tied up and safe, he headed inside. It was instantly warm and his body relaxed as he saw Arthur kneeling over a fire in the fireplace. “Looking nice in here.” 

“It feels nice. But I’m still cold.” Arthur mumbled as he shivered again. With all the snow coating him and the heat, his jacket was getting soaked quickly. “Get your jacket and gloves off. Come and warm up by the fire to dry your stuff out.” 

Arthur started to remove his own jacket, scarf and gloves, setting them to the side to hang up. John did the same when he went over to join him. He instantly felt better but it wasn’t enough. He was still shivering harshly by the time he was setting his coat to the side. “I’m going to freeze my dick off.”

Hearty laughter filled the room, coughs taking over the end of it. John sighed at that, edging himself closer to the stonework. “Let’s hope not.” Arthur replied, leaning over on John’s shoulder. Maybe it was the pride of getting the Arabian and getting in to some warmth but Arthur was getting mighty lenient.

Truly, John knew because his case was getting worse. It’s been a few weeks since the campfire and John had tried to get him to loosen up but it never worked. He was tight lipped about it and Charles had just sighed when it was brought up. He said he would talk to Arthur but it ultimately came down to John once again. 

“Be careful. Don’t wear yourself out.” John said as he saw Arthur toss the three buds into the fire, burning immediately. 

“I’m not going to. I’m stronger then a cough.” Arthur said but John didn’t push. He knew if he did, he would just shut down on the topic and push it away. Arthur wasn’t one to open up, barely ever had.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the flames flicker and lick the brick walls of the chimney as it climbed higher. Even as it burned, John couldn’t find himself getting too warm. His clothes felt soaked through. “John, you’re you're going to shake my brain out if you keep shivering.”

Shivering? He didn’t even notice. He didn’t even notice the water soaking his shirt either. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” 

“You yell at me for not trying to get help but you’re going to wake up an ice cube. Get your shirt off.” Arthur said as he sat back up to let John do so. After his confession to an already unconscious Arthur, John had known he had feelings for his long time friend. They've bathed together before but now it held a whole new tone. John didn’t want to be shirtless in front of him.

“I’ll be fine.” John said as he stiffened, shivering violently again. Arthur slapped his back, letting out an ‘oof’. “Hey don’t hit me!”

“Take your shirt off or else you’re going to get too cold. I’m not bringing your horse back by myself with your dead body.” John finally looked at Arthur and just by looking into those blue eyes, John was taking his shirt off before his brain caught up. He wasn’t ashamed of his size but he was definitely smaller then Arthur. He was thick with muscle and broad shoulders while John was lean and small. He felt almost inferior but he didn’t hold it over Arthur.

John tossed his shirt to the side where his other clothes were, blush running over his face and chest. He scratched a hand through the wiry hair covering his pecs as he turned away a bit. Arthur didn’t need to see him so bare. “Thanks for caring I guess.” John said as he instantly felt a bit better. He was still cold but he wouldn’t freeze. 

“I always care for you. You’re my best friend.” Arthur mumbled as he poked the fire with a metal rod. John nodded slowly. ‘Best friend’. That’s all they were. That’s all they could be.

He was committed to Abigail and Arthur was dying. It was selfish of him to say he wanted to have a relationship with him. It was wrong.

“John. Stop thinking too much. Your brain will explode.” Arthur said as he leaned over again but this time on his bare back. That felt perfect. To have another body pressed to his... what if it was bare skin?

Before his mind could go south, he leaned away. “We should sleep. Wait out the storm.” John said as he saw Arthur get up from the disruption. 

“Fine but stop moving. You’re making me nervous.” Arthur mumbled as he grabbed for the bedrolls he brought from the horses. He started to lay them out, climbing on top of them. They were far enough from the fire though that they wouldn’t get hurt from being too close.

He laid down on the bedrolls, grabbing his hat to lay over his face. A true cowboy. “You going to sleep, John?” Arthur muttered, sounding a bit muffled by the hat. 

“Yeah. Just... cold. Going to take me a bit.” John mumbled as he focused on the flames again. He couldn’t focus for long before Arthur grabbed for John’s side, tugging him back and towards his chest. 

“What are you doing, Arthur?” John asked a bit loudly but was only met with Arthur’s face in the back of his neck. 

“You’re going to get too cold. Body contact will keep you warm.” Saying bare skin to bare skin would be better would definitely expose him and he didn't need that. 

“You could have just asked.” That was a lie because he would definitely say no to this. Now that he was already in position, he was much less willing to get away. He  
liked being so close and in Arthur’s arms. So strong and thick.

“I didn’t want you to say no.” John froze once more, chest becoming tight. “I didn’t want you to say no.”

Knowing Arthur, that if John said no, it would be over. No more asking and John would be left sitting up. Arthur wasn’t one to press on someone’s choices.

“Go to sleep, Arthur.” John muttered as he shifted back a bit, heart beating so loudly in his chest that if it wasn’t for the blizzard outside, Arthur would probably hear it.

“Sleep well.” Arthur muttered into the back of his neck, warmth sending a shiver down his spine. 

John was beyond fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and a kudos! Follow me @mirageisgucci on tumblr


	10. Cough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur, stop pushing John away.

“She’s beautiful.” John said after the door to the cabin closed. The night had been long, the constant reminder of how close and shirtless John had been. Arthur’s fingertips had danced over his side, brushing against the v of his hips over and over but John didn’t seem to mind at all. He even seemed to be comfortable with it as he fell asleep long before Arthur did.

He came back to reality as soo. As the man in question hit at Arthur’s shoulder. “She is. Thank you.” Arthur finally replied as he came up to pet a hand over the white fur of his new horse. It had been a lot of work to get her but this pay off was going to be great. He would be faster then ever now and he didn’t have a lot of time to waste traveling. Besides, John would like her when Arthur passed. The grim thought made him get on the horse quickly, nudging her with his spurs. “And thanks for coming out to help me too.”

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t want you dying out here all alone and Abigail has really been on my ass recently.” John said as he climbed on his own horse. He followed after Arthur, dreading the snow immediately. They would be back in the warm forest soon enough.

“What about?” Arthur asked, eyebrow raised in curiousness.

“Nothing in particular. We just always seem to be mad at each other recently, you don’t want to hear about it.”

But Arthur did. He wanted to show care and to hear about all of John’s problems. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I want to try and help if I can. You have to remember I’ve been in two long term relationships.”

Two? John faintly tried to think of the other one that wasn’t Mary but a name wasn’t coming to his mind. Elizabeth? Elisha? John couldn’t remember her name. It had been mentioned much too long ago and Arthur never really came out about his problems or told others. His sickness was a good example. “Neither of those worked out.”

“Well yeah but they let me learn from them. I’m just trying to offer up advice. If you want to listen, that’s your choice.” Arthur shrugged his shoulders. “But I left having relationships behind a long time ago.”

John didn’t even see him interact with prostitutes but even if John wasn’t with Abigail, he wouldn’t either. He didn’t want to mess around with getting any sort of disease. 

“Well then let me know you’re advice. What does the wise old Arthur know?”

He felt like he knew a lot but it depended on if John agreed or not. “You have to listen. Listening is important. And you have to be willing to change but you don’t want to change the good parts of you. If someone can’t handle the good parts and want to you to change those, maybe you shouldn’t be together.” Arthur said as he curled his gloved fingers together. Even after everything had dried, he still felt too cold and the snow was going to drench him again in just a few minutes. “And don’t call me old.”

Just thinking of Abigail again made him cough, hand pressing to his mouth. John looked over worriedly for a moment before back ahead. This meant he didn’t notice how the bud was slightly unfurled when Arthur looked it over. “Shit...” He whispered as he could barely even see the yellow past the blood.

Suddenly his throat started to feel too tight and every breath was sharp. “J-john.” Arthur whispered as he slowed his horse down to an almost stop. 

“Arthur?” John said, his voice thick with concern as he hopped off his horse, rushing to Arthur to slow his own horse down. “Breathe with me. Come on, breathe.”

His heart was pounding in his chest and he could barley process anything that John was saying. His throat was feeling so scratched up and the flowers were almost fully bloomed. Was last night too much of a push? All just because he saw John partially naked?

“It... hard.” He whispered as he let out another cough. He slid off his horse, head ducking into John’s shoulder. He coughed loudly again, eyes clenching shut as John rubbed his back. 

“Just take a moment.” John whispered, eyes clenching. He just wished that this wouldn’t be their last moment together. They had so much to d together and thankfully, it did subside.

It took about 3 minutes straight to coughing but eventually Arthur’s body stopped jerking and his breaths became easy going. “You going to be okay?” John asked and Arthur nodded while pulling back. John’s own breath was stolen as he saw the blood and a yellow petal stuck to his beard. He reached up, brushing it out of the dark hair.

“I’ll be fine.” Arthur mumbled, voice shaky as he let John wipe the blood off. 

“You almost just died. Your lungs are wrecked.” John whispered as his hands went down to press on Arthur’s chest. “Just talk to me. What’s going on?” He asked and Arthur just ‘tsked’ loudly. 

“Nothing. You know I’m... sick. If it kills me, it kills me. Not telling you what it is, isn’t going to be a regret.” And Arthur pushed away, going to get back on his horse. “Just keep going.”

“We were having a good time. A great time if you don’t count the freezing to death.” John liked the... sleeping situation? “And now you’re pushing me away.” 

John got back on his own horse, stress and anger clear on his face. “Don’t use me to feel better about yourself. When you want to talk, I’ll be ready.” He muttered before kicking into his horse so it was in front of Arthur, leaving him to sulk alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best but we’re getting to the end soon!


	11. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is getting close.

He could feel his end coming and every step forward was like pain stabbing through his body. He wasn’t sure if it was physical or mental pain but there was a good chance it was a mix of both. Arthur always had to expect it to be worse then it seemed.

As him and John approached the road back to camp, his mouth started to move before his mind could really catch up. He knew he shouldn’t have yelled at John or gotten mad at him and definitely not when he tried to choke him.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur said again once another rider rode past the pair. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad when you’re just trying to help me.”

“Stop apologizing and actually change first. Because I doubt you’re actually going to be telling me how or why you’re sick. You won’t even tell me the name of the disease.” John didn’t exactly yell but his raised voice made every word feel like it was a hit to the gut.

“...Hanahaki. The disease is Hanahaki. It makes flowers grow and it’s like a mental thing.” Arthur muttered as he nudged his horse with his spurs so that she increased her gait to a gallop.

“Arthur you can’t just ride away!” John said as he made his own horse speed up but out here on the open paths, they could see the difference in speed. “And that isn’t even about the cure!”

“I’m not telling you about the cure. There isn’t anything I can do about it.” Arthur said back to him, seeing the opening into camp. “We can talk later but shut up about all this around others.” He said as he slowed down some more. There should be a patrol wandering around out here somewhere.

John wished they could talk more but Arthur’s evasiveness was stronger then John’s curiosity. To try and get another word out of him at this moment wasn’t going to be possible but since he already made some sort of impact was extraordinary.

Thankfully for Arthur, as soon as John came up to his side, mouth open in a question, Javier appeared. “Hey! Arthur and John are back! And wow, she’s a beaut.” Javier yelled back to the manor. A small group of them emerged, approaching quickly. John didn’t pay attention to specifically who came over, eyes scanning the crowd to try and find one person. Charles.

As everyone crowded around the horse and seemed to be interested, Charles’s eyes were on John and he looked mad. John tied up his horse immediately before going around the group to get to his friend.

“How far along is it?” Charles asked, turning so the two of them could walk away and get some privacy.

“Flowers. They look almost fully bloomed and I’m scared. Really scared for him.” John said as he grabbed for Charles’ arm to get some stability..

Charles looked shocked for a few moments, mouth moving but no words coming out. He found himself stuck for a moment, not wanting his words to be the wrong thing to say. “He has Hanahaki. Coughing up flowers.” Charles finally admitted, looking a bit defeated.

Gladly it wasn’t a curse and Arthur hadn’t lied about that but it didn’t make him feel any better. He never heard of it or even of the word before this. “He told me just a few seconds before we got here probably so he could avoid me. But he didn’t tell me how it comes about or how to cure it.”

“You know our Arthur. He has a lot of problems and sadness. And he knows how to fix it, trust me.” Charles said, pulling his arm away once the grip became too tight. He reached for John’s hand, squeezing it gently. “If he could cure it, he would have. If he hadn’t by now, he maybe has... chosen to die.”

“So just tell me it. We both know that he’s such a dumbass sometimes and if I can help, I’ll get him the antidote.” John said as he pressed closer, stepping into Charles’ personal space.

“I can’t help you. You have to do it yourself.” Charles said as he grabbed for his shoulders, holding him tightly. “But you need to calm down or you won’t be able to do anything.”

John thought back to the flowers, how they looked almost like they should in the middle of spring. The flowers reached out so much that he couldn’t stand the thought of how they were probably suffocating Arthur and made every moment harder to breathe.

“How long do you think he has?” John stopped by the back of the house, eyes focusing on the flowers in the field that tilted gently with the light brush of the wind. It was a question he had to ask with how fast the disease was progressing. Maybe the flowers would be fully bloomed at the end or in a worst case scenario, it never reached that stage and he died before they could. Neither of them knew enough about the disease to know when this end was really supposed to happen. They would be able to get a grasp from Arthur if he ever decided to open up. Seemed doubtful.

Charles hummed softly, rubbing at the back of his head. “Maybe... a week? Or two? I don’t know a lot about it so you’re going to have to get him to open up quick.”

 

“Me?”

“Of course you. You’re the one who’s closest to him and he trusts you. If he would tell anyone, it would be you.”

John of all people? John would be the one to break through? He had a lot more confidence in those words and for some reason, he actually believed them.

“I’ll talk to him. I don’t want to live with myself knowing I could have tried more or made an effort.” John whispered, clenching his eyes shut. He could hear his laugh, his charm and just imagine that beautiful smile on his face from just across the yard. John just wanted to hold him and even if he never got that chance, he wanted to see him smile again. He would do whatever it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys want me to write two endings? A good and bad one?


	12. Questioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John asks a question he’s always wanted to.

“It’s cold.” John said as he blew the smoke from his cigarette in the air. The doors and windows were closed, trapping all the smoke inside and he could tell it was making Abigail annoyed. But he didn’t care, hadn’t for a long time. She would find something to yell at him about regardless so smoking might as well just be another thing on the list. 

“Night is coming..” Abigail replied from the bed. She would usually share with Jack but he was currently with Arthur. Still left John on the floor on his old bedroll. Better then outside where the bugs would get to him.

John shrugged, taking another long drag as he tried to put his thoughts together. “I should go talk to Arthur. See how he’s doing with Jack.” John mumbled as he looked out the window. He could see a few people walking around but it was getting dark so they were heading inside slowly but surely. 

“You’re always with him.” She complained, turning over in the bed to face the wall. Her movements were rushed and John could tell that she was frustrated with all his blabbering. Recently, she’s been more quick to get upset with just the sound of his voice. “I’m trying to sleep, John.”

He huffed out an annoyed breath, standing up slowly. His joints ached from sitting in the same position for so long, yelling at him to sit back down. He kept pushing, stretching out his arms. “Do you know anything about Hanahaki?” John asked, massaging out his shoulder. Her blanket rustled, sitting up quickly.

“Hanahaki...? Why are you asking?” She asked, eyebrow raised. “Is that what Arthur has?”

“No.” John said quickly. Obviously he was lying but if he could pretend for a while, everything would be fine. “I’m just wondering.”

“Hanahaki is dangerous. Like really dangerous. Is Arthur sick with it?” She asked, crawling closer to John but didn’t get off the bed yet. 

He would do anything he could to protect his privacy so he did what he usually did. Lie. “Not with that I think. I just heard of it when I was in town.”

The room settled in silence, windows creaking as the house settled. She pondered, tapping at her chin, John unable to move besides watch her. Finally he was going to get an answer and he wasn’t even searching for it from her. 

“It comes from unrequited love. I never knew someone with it but I know that it’s a thing. At least a fake thing I thought.” She said as she settled back down. “I guess I was just jumping to conclusions. But people say it can only be stopped by them loving you back or taking the seeds and roots out. But it removes all feelings for the person.”

John let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, trying to process her words. Love? Arthur was in love? With who? And when? Has to be recent and had to be getting worse with every time the two talked. 

Something in his heart tightened, imaging Arthur holding another woman in his arms. Wasn’t even a second before the image in his mind changed the woman to a faint outline of a man. A man wearing a cowboy hat with a short beard and vaguely familiar longer hair.

The image disappeared just as fast as it came, John turning towards the door sharply. He needed to find Arthur. “You sure you heard of it from someone?” That seemed like a much too in-depth answer for her to just have overheard it. She looked a bit bashful at the confrontation, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I read it. The book had a nice picture of a flower on it so I decided to try it out.” She had mentioned that she wanted to try to learn to read but he was actually thankful he was trying to read the exact book he needed. 

“I’ll see you in a bit. Get some rest.” He muttered as he went to grab the doorknob. His voice was stilted and sharp, focusing on his only objective. 

“John... wait.” She said as she stood up, smoothing out her skirt. “Are you going to him?” 

“...yeah. Don’t worry about it.” John muttered and her mouth opened to say something but any words she had wanted to say seemed lost for a moment. “I’m just checking on him.”

“You’re checking on him so you can say something?” She finally said in response, arms crossing over her chest. 

He was shocked, body going rigid at the confrontation. “I’m just going to check on on him.” He repeated back, mind struggling to even come up with something else. “Nothing more, Abigail.”

“Fine.” She said simply before turning back to the bed. “Just send Jack back. He needs to go to sleep soon.”

His head was nodding before his brain processed it was moving. “I’ll be back tonight.” He said before going out the door. There was a doubt in his mind but neither of them were going to be the one to bring it up. 

So John went searching for Arthur. He wasn’t in his room, in Dutch’s and ended up not being in the house at all. He was in the backyard, sitting on the ground with Jack across from him.

“So you keep going with the stems and twisting.” Jack muttered as Arthur nodded, watching Jack’s hands intently. Seemed to be making a flower crown out of dandelions.

From here, John could see how tired Arthur was. The way his shoulders slouched, the chapness of his lips and the bags under his eyes. His skin looked pale, hair limp underneath his hat and the little scratches on his top lip made John feel worse. Whoever he wanted to be with should love him back. How could someone not fall in love with the man in front of him?

The next few moments felt slow and muddy as he approached, unable to even feel his heart beat.

“John? What are you doing out here?”

The man who saved countless other lives. The man who only sacrificed himself over and over so that the gang could live safe and comfortable lives even if it led to his own downfall.

“Jack, go inside. Your ma is waiting for you.”

Arthur who had the mind of a peaceful deer but the eyes of a wolf lost from its pack. Why was he so lost? Was he even waiting to be found anymore?

“Bye, Jack. We can finish later.” Jack ran to the house, unknowing of the conversation to follow or the stress that emanated off of his dad.

Arthur Morgan. A man John was in love with and he didn’t even know it for months before it had hit him fully as they laid in that cabin, freezing their asses off.

And his mouth opened, finally uttering the question he had been meaning to ask. 

“Are you in love?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF next chapter is last one sjskkskskskdkd I think


	13. Overwhelming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me here. Please enjoy as I loved this chapter and hope you do to.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Abigail said Hanahaki happens when you’re in love with someone. And you’re a stubborn ass who won’t even tell whoever she is what you feel.” John said as he stepped closer, his own aggression coming off him. “Who is she?”

“She isn’t anyone. And Abigail is thinking too much.” Arthur said as he turned away, walking towards the booth nearby beside the house. There had to be a crate with some beer in it and maybe it could distract him long enough. “Don’t worry about it, John. It’s under control.”

“It’s under control until you die!” John charged forward, grabbing for Arthur’s arm. The reaction was immediate. The pull back, the slap at John’s hand to get off of him and the disdain on his face. 

The moment was still between them, just staring once again until Arthur broke into a coughing fit. He doubled over, pain shooting through his back and lungs but John didn’t race over to help him like usual. He just watched Arthur cough. “It’s killing you. You’re dying and you’re going to go out painfully because you haven’t let them in. You need to tell whoever she is what you’re feeling or get surgery, get rid of it!”

Arthur shook his head as he stood back up, still coughing into his fist. “It’s fine John. Stop being so fucking loud and nosey.” Arthur said as he pulled the flower away from his lips. His hand closed around it, squeezing almost too tightly.

Even now he could still feel the build up in his throat and every breath was hard. He needed to get to somewhere private, get away from John. “Just talk to me.” John said in a noticeably quieter voice, still approaching but slower then before.

“N-no.” Arthur muttered as he glanced at the house, scared people were going to see. “They won’t even like me back.” 

“How could they not? You’re a good man. Maybe not the best but you try, Arthur. You have a heart of gold and you stop to help people no matter who they are. You try your best and I can see this change in you that you don’t fucking see! I’m just trying to help like you did with me. You gave me your jacket, you confided with me, you came to the fire to apologize and I rarely see you do that with anyone else.

Time after time you always come back and I hate when you leave and you come back with another scar. And this time you aren’t telling me about what is going on and why you’re sick and how and I have to learn from other people. Why do you only push people away when they say they’re willing? If we have to get this removed and you stop loving whoever it is, then so be it. Just let me be there for you!”

“I won’t! I won’t ever let go of this! It’s the first time I’ve felt something for someone in a long time and I know it’s never going to happen. I can’t lose this and I can’t keep runnin’ forever either.” Arthur yelled back sternly, one hand still covering his mouth as his other gripped John’s wrist tightly to pull him even further away from the house and into the trees.

“Your loud ass mouth is always putting me into trouble and I can’t stand another second of you getting into my business! It’s mine, not yours.” The fire in his eyes looked familiar. Where had John see that before? “I barely have enough time left.”

The buildup in Arthur’s throat was enough to confirm that. He could feel another bud coming up and this time when it was released into his hand, a glob of stickly blood and an almost completely unfurled flower came out. He went to toss it aside but John grabbed for it before he could.

“Arthur, look at this shit. You need to get surgery or I’m going to tie you down and rip it out myself.” John whispered as he looked it over. Golden prairie flowers, John faintly wondered what they truly meant. Was there even a reason behind them or did it just have to do with region? Didn't even make sense how a disease could do this all.

The older man was left in shock at the pure determination and fear John expressed. He wasn’t going to give up on Arthur any time soon and just that thought made his heart skip a beat. His throat even cleared up a small bit. Arthur barely gave it a thought, not one to try and cling on to false hope.

He just wished they could be together. Free from any fear, judgment or guns. To not have to worry about if they were going to live another day the second they stepped out of this god forsaken house and into the cruel wild world that they lived in. Life could change in a second and to give it all up when Arthur was so close terrified him beyond belief.

No, he wanted this moment. He wanted to be with John. To ride with him and fight until they both went out to the Pinkertons or somehow made it to old age. Didn’t seem like that would be anytime soon as Arthur’s own body betrayed him. And he felt that rage, that pure anger that resides in his heart and stomach and it felt like the very thing strangling his lungs but he also knew that the part of him that could never be happy contributed. 

“I’m getting old, John. Old, ugly and sad and I can barely breathe with this thing in my chest. I only ever feel anger and emptiness but this love I have, it came out of no where. Snatched my hat off my head and ran with it. I didn’t even know I had it until recently but when I saw it, I saw how deep I was. I know I’m going to die soon somehow because I have been lucky too many times. This way, I know when I’m going and I know how with one of the most comfortable feelings inside me even as my body screams for relief from this pain.”

This confession if it could be called that, added so much to what Arthur was feeling and John had no idea he was keeping this inside the whole time. He rarely ever got a word out of him about what he was eating. To confess about dark feelings inside him he didn’t even have full knowledge of made John want to just hug Arthur.

So he did. He rushed forward, head in Arthur’s neck as his arms wrapped around him. The man coughed gently, jerking against John’s leaner body but he didn’t move away. Just stood there and took it. “I... I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re my best friend and you’ve been here ever since I got here as some stupid fucking kid and you helped me learn so much. I can’t stay here if I know you’re not going to come back into camp another day. Just tell me who it is... you might as well try. You never know.”

“I do know. He can’t love me back.” Arthur whispered and John’s own body became still. A he? He never would have guessed that Arthur had love for a... man. Raised a lot more possibilities. 

“Is it Charles?” He asked, voice quieting down even more but the sound was already slightly muffled by the cloth of Arthur’s black and red vest. It smelled just like him and he realized he should just stay here for as long as he possibly could. As long as allowed.

“No, it’s not Charles.” Arthur finally started to relax, his hands raising ever so slightly but it was enough to get them on John’s hips. John’s body loosened up as he let out a shaky breath. 

“Then who is it? Just tell me.” John whispered as he leaned back but his arms stayed over Arthur’s shoulders. They were so close, only a breath away as their chests pressed together. 

The hope he carried in his eyes. This optimism that Arthur rarely saw in these days where darkness, theft and murder loomed over people’s shoulders. It was shocking and his glance went down to John’s lips. His lips that always looked so inviting when they were both drunk and his inhibition was low so he felt like he could get away with it and people wouldn’t mind a man kissing another. All he ever wanted to do was kiss those lips that would speak just the kindest things to Arthur when the two were alone and tease him never ending. 

Maybe he should act. So he did just as the vines started to come up his throat. 

“...I love you, John Marston. It’s always been you and just to even think of acting on it or whenever you give me a soft smile, it’s a seed of doubt that gets buried in my stomach because I’m sure a man as good as you, could never love one like me. 

You have a family and a better chance at life then I could ever hope for. I see you in the gold hues of the morning sun and I see you in the forests around me and all I wanted was to come back here and kiss you and hear you say it back. But this disease is of unrequited love. I know it can’t happen but I think I should say... something. Anything before I go.”

His voice had been quiet and quick, whispering out his confession in hopes no one else could hear their private moment as they were trapped under the tree and away from prying ears. This was a moment for only them until the hacking started.

Arthur pulled away from John who was unmoving. Arthur coughed loudly, reaching for whatever was in his throat as tears sprung to his eyes. “Arthur.” John whispered as he snapped into motion, running over to put a hand on his friend’s back as the coughing fit subsided.

Arthur’s fingers were shaky as he pulled out... a fully formed golden flower with no blood to be seen. “What...?” Arthur muttered as he looked it over, eyes going wide. His chin was suddenly grabbed and John was dragging him towards him. 

Soft lips met chapped ones, a sigh slipping out of Arthur’s lungs as everything became clear. Became a finally clean breath where Arthur could finally think clearly again. And the kiss was over in just a few seconds, a sense of clarity that he didn’t think he could ever get in his life.

“What was that for?” 

“I love you too. Forever, Arthur Morgan. Couldn’t stop even if I tried.”

“Please don’t try.” He said quickly before leaning back in for another kiss, pressing John up against the tree they were behind. 

So this was love. This was what it felt like to be cherished just as much as the other person did with you. Mary only used him and what he had with Eliza was never true. He couldn’t stay for either of them but here, with John pressed against the tree as the sun set behind them, he could stay forever.

They parted again, both of their cheeks a slight shade of red and Arthur finally laughed for the first time in a while. How John wanted to hear that for every day in his life. “Those petals were overwhelming.” Arthur whispered only to be met with a slap to the chest.

“This isn’t funny. What if you’re still sick?” John said but a smile teased the edge of his lips. They both seemed to know this was over, it had to be. Love was required and for now, they could have hope in each other for their futures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously thank you all for the support and this is the first long fanfic I’ve finished and I doubt I’ll write another like this. One shots or short stories for me. But I love you all and thank you for every person that commented or left a kudos or followed me on tumblr. I fell in love with this game and all the people in it and this fandom so thank you again from the bottom of my heart.  
> Stay tuned for other fics  
> @mirageisgucci on tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to leave a comment or a kudos! Thanks! I’m ready to put up the new chapter soon


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